Scalp this, you leeches
by Daniel Satherley
In these enlightened times, it’s not okay to put someone down because of their race, gender, age, disability, sexual preference, or religion, right?
Luckily for me, discrimination against one particular scourge on modern society isn’t protected by law - those evil children of supply and demand colloquially known as ticket scalpers.
How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways…
First of all, scalpers often have no intention at all of attending the event in question. It’s hard enough getting tickets as it is, without the queues being clogged with affluent scum out to make a further quick buck. Or should that be effluent? Either word would be appropriate.
Scalpers introduce themselves as an unauthorised middleman of sorts, further hampering the process. Their inflated prices mean only other rich folk can afford to purchase the tickets. Who’d want to go to a concert with a crowd made up of lawyers, accountants and landlords?
Performers themselves hate scalpers - they often prevent their most fanatical followers from attending, and artists don’t see any of the profits.
Scalpers often ask, why don’t promoters just increase the ticket prices?
The answer is simple: the atmosphere, economics and acoustics are a lot better when the house is full than when it is half-empty. Put ticket prices too high, and promoters run the real risk of no one buying them. The fans can’t afford it, and ticket scalpers stay away realising it’d be difficult to make a profit on something that cost so much to begin with.
Performers get pissed off when the prices were too high and no one came; fans come away without the full-on experience of a full-house; and the venue fails to sell enough chips and drinks to cover their own costs. Selling out further shows is hampered by the lack of a good word-of-mouth. The chances of attracting casual fans, attracted by the low price, and turning them into die-hards who’ll go away and buy the merchandise (a big revenue source for many acts) is nil.
In other words, no one’s happy. All because of ticket scalpers.
I won’t lie to you - I’ve resold tickets in the past, but never for more than face value.
When British space-rockers Muse played the St James in 2004, my friends and I had a spare ticket, so offered it for sale outside the venue just before the concert.
A guy excitedly rushed towards us, asking how much we want for it - we told him sixty bucks, and the look on his face was priceless. It turned out his mate had purchased a ticket through Trademe earlier that day for about three times that amount. This kid couldn’t believe his luck.
“We’re not scalpers,” I told him.
I had a similar experience with a ticket to a gig by the horrendously bad nu-metal act Korn. I wasn’t exactly an angel this time, considering I got the ticket free, but that didn’t worry the guy who bought it. He was simply amazed someone would sell a ticket for a sold-out concert at face value, when I could’ve got twice the amount.
I suppose in some ways this makes me an idiot, but there’s a greater good than making easy money. Scalpers would sell their souls if there was a shortage, and in today’s competitive world, I bet they’d have no trouble finding buyers.