Slow Rage
by Sam Mickell
Among the gems that I’ve seen on social networking website Facebook recently is a group called ‘I want to punch slow walkers in the back of the head’. Now, I’m not usually one to condone violence, but I’m not surprised that such a group exists.
That’s because being stuck behind a slow walker has to be one of the most infuriating things of all time.
Whether you’re stuck behind them in the aisle of a supermarket, on a footpath or, heaven forbid, on a large staircase, it always makes for a painful and frustrating experience.
I’m not trying to pick on the elderly, the disabled or the obese here. I’m talking about fit, able-bodied people, who seem to be suffering from the delusion that walking provides an ideal moment catch up on a spot of naval gazing.
Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m on about. I have seen the most exceptionally polite and well mannered men and women turn into blood-thirsty savages when trapped behind a slow walker.
And the worst thing is that slow walking people seem to gravitate towards each other. This creates another, even more annoying phenomenon, the ’slow walking group’.
The slow walking group will happily take up entire footpaths, alleyways and escalators. Try as you like you cannot get past them; sometimes they even interlock hands to create an impermeable blockade. They are capable of bringing your entire day to a screeching halt, while you wait, steam almost coming out your ears, for them to leave their self-absorbed stupor for just a minute to realise that there are people behind them that may want to get past.
I’m sorry people, but when I walk, I want to get to my destination as fast as possible.
It’s not just because I’m running late – which more often than not I am – but simply because I would rather spend more time at my destination than aimlessly walking in-between.
I’m not trying to beat up on the innocent Sunday stroll here - of which the magic benefits of resolving relationship difficulties have been known for centuries – I enjoy a good Sunday stroll as much as anyone else.
But it’s called the Sunday stroll for a reason. And when that walking pace is used on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays…you get the picture.
In case you’re wondering, I didn’t end up joining the ‘punch slow walkers in the back of the head’ group, but I started another one called ‘Tazer slow walkers in the back’, and I hope you’ll join.