Dating the 21st century way

Online dating, once viewed as a haven for the desperate and dateless, is emerging as a practical option for time-starved professionals and those looking for a bit more romance.

In New Zealand alone, no fewer than 10 websites help single Kiwis find love.

The biggest of these, NZ Dating, claims to have nearly 25,000 members online each day.

Michael Houghton, a self-employed 25-year-old from Auckland, is a member of of the site and says online dating appealed to him over more conventional methods of meeting a partner.

“I found it hard talking to people in bars because it’s noisy, and it can be considered sleazy if you approach someone. Often I just want to go and have fun with my friends on a night out.

“Online dating offers a chance to talk to like-minded singles, in a non-intrusive environment. It also allows you to get to know someone before you even have to say anything to them.

“I liked the idea of my first impression being judged on more than just my looks,” he says.

Houghton says the women he has met through NZ Dating and Find Someone, another popular site, are no different to the ones he meets outside of the online world.

“I’ve met a couple of people so far. Both dates were good, but there were no sparks. They were perfectly normal people, who both had regular jobs and regular lives, who were just finding it hard to meet new people,” he says.

As well as providing a venue to meet possible partners, dating websites enable users to participate in an online community full of support and friendship.

Find Someone has an online magazine, offering a number of articles giving advice on common issues such as first date etiquette, how to handle rejection and how to take a flattering photo for their profile.

There are also a number of active forums, where members can discuss whatever is on their minds, from love and dating to more general everyday life issues.

However, not every user has had these positive experiences from online dating.

One unhappy user, who wishes to be known only by her user name Wahine12, says the man she met online was not the person he appeared to be.

“I met someone [on Find Someone] and ended up living with him, only to find out he was a stalker, a convicted arsonist, a compulsive liar, and a woman attacker.

“You can imagine the shock, disgust and complete disbelief I felt,” she says.

“Men like that have scared me off online dating.”

It is not only dating websites where the technologically savvy can meet a potential mate. Social networking websites such as Facebook and Bebo have opened up a world of friends-of-friends for singles to tap into, and online role-playing games such as World of Warcraft can also put singles worldwide in touch.

Twenty-six-year-old nanny Tess Weight met her now-boyfriend Steve Burnett while playing World of Warcraft.

“It started off with friendly banter while we were gaming, and soon we were talking to each other on Skype [internet video calling] every night,” she says.

Burnett, who lives in the United States, has recently flown to New Zealand to meet Weight in person, his first time in the country, and the first time the two have met face to face.

“It was the best two weeks ever,” she says. “Now I’m saving as hard as I can so I can go and visit him in the US in September.”

Weight, who was previously engaged to her high school boyfriend, said she wasn’t looking to fall in love over the internet, but is glad it happened the way it did.

“It’s just so hard being so far away from him and not being able to touch him,” she says.

After she visits the United States, the pair plan to settle down together in either of their home countries.