Facebook Mums get connected

New mothers say they are using Facebook to combat isolation, share photos and discuss parenting issues.

Sonya Smithson, a new mother of one, uses the social networking site to catch up and “compare notes” with other mums.

Smithson, 31, says her network of friends who have become mothers are “scattered around Auckland” and use Facebook to discuss parenting issues such as sleeping and feeding.

Smithson says she and her partner Georgina are encouraged by friends to post photos of baby Jasper on Facebook.

“We’ve had lots of comments [on photos]. Our friends like to keep up to date with Jasper’s progress.”

Leon Tan, an AUT lecturer in psychotherapy, says social networking is a way to connect to the outside world when barriers are in place.

“Online communities like Facebook, MySpace and Twitter allow individuals in socially isolating situations to connect with others online, where physical constraints for example childcare at home prevent meetings in actual sites.”

Smithson used Facebook before becoming a mother but says her use of it has changed. She used to play scrabble and chess but now uses it predominantly for communication.

“I think it helps with isolation. It’s good to know what people are going through and what they are doing about things like daytime sleeps.”

Coryn Smith, a mother of one, uses Facebook at least once a day. She loves the chat feature and seeing what her friends are up to but says it does not replace social interaction.

Smith, 36, says the reality of connecting virtually with people sometimes highlights her feeling of being isolated at home.

Francis Evans, a counsellor for 30 years, says Facebook can’t “completely deal with isolation”.

“It’s fantastic but it doesn’t fill in for one-on-one contact. Females need to have conversation. They need to be able to talk to someone.”

Tan, author of Psychotherapy 2.0: MySpace® Blogging as Self-therapy, says using social networking can serve a different purpose than just interaction.

“For an individual like the one I look at in the case study, the benefit in MySpace blogging is that it presents her with something different from her actual life”.

Lara Paterson, 29, a self-described Facebook convert, started using the site when her daughter Amelia was very small.

“You can see what people are doing outside in the real world. [Otherwise] you feel a bit locked away.”

She also used the site to share photos with friends and family.

“It’s a way to keep people updated,” she says.

She had many invitations by email to join Facebook before Amelia was born but was too busy with work to join.

“When she was little and slept a lot it was something to do. It makes you feel a bit connected to the outside world.”

With Amelia now 10 months and crawling and Paterson back at work one day a week, she says she has less time for Facebook. She checks it less and uses it mainly for photo-sharing.

A mother of two, Lisa Katz, moved to Wellington from Auckland in the last trimester of her pregnancy with Lila, now seven weeks old

“I go on [Facebook] most days. It’s a nice feeling to connect with friends. It’s comforting having moved away,” she says.

Katz, 33, is originally from the UK and her husband Yair is from Israel. They enjoy sharing photos of Lila with friends and family abroad.

“It was just lovely to get people’s responses [to the photos]. It made us feel really good.”

Katz says she has also used Facebook’s chat service, an instant messaging system, to “commiserate with” a fellow mum in Auckland about lack of sleep.

“It definitely makes you feel more connected. You would feel more isolated as a young mum at home without it,” says Katz.

Kyna Towns, mother of six-year-old Lily and pregnant with her second child, describes herself as a Facebook “addict”.

Towns, 28, recently moved to rural Nelson. With most of her friends in Auckland and Wellington she says Facebook helps her feelings of isolation.

Towns uploads photos of Lily regularly.

“It’s such an easy way to keep people updated on how Lily is growing and changing, people enjoy looking at the pics.

“It’s instant, sort of like texting, but with pictures and more people, which I really like. There is always someone around to chat to or be sympathetic, which really helps. People really do pay attention to your status updates.”

She finds it invaluable for parenting and pregnancy issues.

“I went through a real rough patch with Lily at school a couple weeks ago. She has been referred to a behavioral specialist for being awful to the other kids in her class.

“I put it on Facebook and got loads of really helpful information from friends, who rallied round, it was great.”

Tan, also trained in pscyhotherapy, says discovering that other people are having similar issues to you is comforting.

“There is nothing like a sounding board, a place where perhaps one person in a million might raise your spirits by saying, ‘I so get what you mean’, or ‘It’s ok to feel that way’.”