22 November 2008
Candidate plans to exterminate rates
28 September 2007
By Joanna Davies
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| EXTERMINATE: If elected for mayor, Dalek Snowdon will make stairways illegal. |
Auckland’s newest mayoral candidate thinks he has what it takes to make our city great – by using his ray gun.
Dalek Snowdon plans to transform Auckland into a city of the future, after he realised Aucklanders crave a “despotic-style leadership”.
Snowdon, originally from Planet Skaro but now a resident of Waiheke Island, believes Auckland’s biggest problems – crime, tagging and drugs – will all be reduced under his leadership.
Once he exterminates most of the population.
He also plans to complete the development of Eden Park and build the once-proposed waterfront stadium.
“Stadiums into which large numbers of ratepayers can be packed are quite useful as far as Dalek Snowdon is concerned.
“They make mass extermination a quick and simple process,” says Hortensia Velcro, a member of Snowdon’s campaign team.
Further city developments would include the dismantling of stairways, the bulldozing of all housing and the finishing of all motorway projects as soon as possible.
One of his most popular policies will be abolishing rates.
“Once Aucklanders have made their ‘one-time payment’ of everything they own [to Snowdon], there will be little point in asking them for anything else,” says Velcro.
Competition from John Banks
Snowdon’s campaign team believes mayoral candidate John Banks will be “the man to beat”.
“Noticing that there was considerable support for the re-election of John Banks, Dalek Snowdon decided to give the bad tempered, right-wing Aucklanders a real candidate to vote for,” says Velcro.
“When it comes to the wielding of serious power and the tormenting of hippies, poor people and the elderly, [Banks] can’t hope to match Dalek Snowdon.
“Does Mr Banks have a built-in ray gun? I think not,” says Velcro.
Snowdon is a huge supporter of the arts, and Dalek art will take pride of place in Auckland’s cultural sectors and the Skaro Opera Company has already been asked to tour here with their production of The Magic Ray Gun.
Like other candidates, Snowdon is a prominent business-being, owning Snowdon’s Breakfast Cereals that produces Skaro-Bix.
